Experts for WomanSage

Karen L. Twichell, Author/Speaker
A Caregiver’s Journey – Finding Your Way

This year over one million Americans will be diagnosed with cancer. Add to this number thousands of stroke, heart disease, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and AIDS cases and you will discover that there is an entire community of caregivers about to find out how well prepared they are for one of life’s ultimate responsibilities.

You’ve finally booked that trip to Europe that you’ve wanted to take for so long. You are already scheduling gatherings for the holidays with friends and family. Suddenly, as the result of an annual check-up, a loved one is given a life-threatening diagnosis. It isn’t just about the loved one, it’s about both of you and how your lives will forever be changed by this diagnosis. Your strength and your courage and your faith will be tested. You will be sad and angry and afraid at times. However long it may last, what will get you through this difficult time is being prepared for the demands you now face.

It is very important to understand that your life will not be the same for a while and trying to continue to do everything you normally do and be a caregiver at the same time is simply not doable. There are three things you can do right away:

• EDUCATION. Learn everything you can about the disease, the medication and treatment options, the possible side-effects of both the disease and the medications and the prognosis for your patient. This can be a bit disarming at first, but unless you know what you are up against, it is like fighting an unknown enemy. By learning all there is to know about the specific illness you will know what to expect, be prepared for it and know what to do as the disease progresses or the medications change.

• ORGANIZATION. The paperwork can be an overwhelming part of your new task. The first day you learn of the diagnosis, put together a treatment journal so that you can keep all of your paperwork together in one place. Make it easy on yourself by making sections for a calendar which allows you to plan appointments and to look back on important dates. Add physician information, medication lists, patient information sheets and any other documents specific to your patient. Take it with you to every appointment.

• SELF-CARE. No matter how overwhelming the experience may be, it cannot be stressed enough how important it is to take care of yourself. Taking some time each week to do something just for you is essential. Accepting help from others is a learned skill, but with a little practice you can learn to accept an offer from a friend to prepare a meal or pick up your dry cleaning.

There is comfort in the knowledge that we are truly needed. The better prepared we are the more confidence we have in our ability to care for and give dignity to those who need our help.

By Kathy Laurenhue
www.wisernow.com

A couple of years ago, I came across a brief article by Tom Staverosky which suggested the body has two brains – the one in our heads and the hidden one in our stomachs. When you have butterflies in your stomach or acid rising in your esophagus, it is often related to thoughts or fears your head brain is trying to suppress. There are scientific explanations for the physiological reactions to stress, but the author’s point was that what we feel in our gut is an accurate assessment of the things we need to be paying attention to.

As caregivers, we know this intellectually – in our head brain – but can’t figure out how to actually find time for exercises to soothe the gut brain. Furthermore, many of us have heard frightening admonishments about the need to keep our minds active in order to keep them from deteriorating as we age. Brain exercise systems abound, but for many the idea of constantly testing their brain age seems only to add more acid to their gut brains.

There is no doubt that current life presents innumerable causes for stress. If you are a caregiver, you have responsibilities you hadn’t anticipated, wish you didn’t have to face and aren’t sure you have the stamina to overcome. Can you really reduce your anxiety when you have good cause for it? Yes, actually.

It IS important to keep your mind active, but you can both stimulate your head brain and soothe your gut brain, if you take time each day for an activity you love. Is gardening your thing? Getting outdoors even for an odious task like pulling weeds is a proven stress-reliever for people who love gardening. If you can’t get outdoors because you’re spending hours in a doctor’s waiting room, bring along a gardening magazine. When you read about something you enjoy, you are expanding your brain knowledge and time flows. When time flows, you are relaxed, and relaxed learners learn more.

But notice that the key here is to do something you love. If gardening is NOT your thing, chances are great that it won’t be soothing. Think about what makes time fly for you – playing an instrument, listening to music, a game of tennis, genealogy, stamp collecting, knitting – anything you love presents opportunities for you to stretch your mind and learn more, while also calming those butterflies in your stomach. Interestingly, you don’t have to spend hours doing something you love to feel the stress relief. Often a five or 10-minute break is enough to help us return refreshed to more difficult tasks. It’s like putting more air into a depleted balloon. (And adding more oxygen to our brains – through a soothing break, physical exercise, singing or laughing –helps us think more clearly.)

Exercise systems that test your brain knowledge and attempt to decrease your response time have their place, but for people whose egos are fragile, time is precious and stress levels are already high, such systems can further threaten self-esteem that is already deflated. Don’t buy into that “ought to.” If doing a daily crossword puzzle is something you love, by all means do it. If the very thought of attempting it makes your palms sweat, choose another activity.

Doing what you love is about using your unique talents. If you love gardening, chances are you have a natural affinity for it. To substitute something that is a chore – like crossword puzzles – would be like sending someone like Placido Domingo to college to study chemistry. A travesty. And if you love something and aren’t good at it, don’t worry. The woods would be silent if only the birds who sang best sang at all.

What do you think?
• What is your gut brain telling you to pay attention to?
• What would refresh you?
• What do you love to do?
• How does doing what you love boost your self-esteem? How does doing what you dislike threaten it?
• How can you incorporate bits of what you love into full days?