Welcome to the new WomanSage web site, the third version of WomanSage since we first went online seven years ago.
When we began this dialog with you, we asked you to fill out a survey – How Is My Life Different From My Mother’s?
More than 3,500 of you have responded to those questions over the past seven years.
Now we have another dialog for you. It’s called “Live Close, Visit Often” and it has to do with our changing attitudes towards marriage and commitment after age 50.
You know, we’re pioneering a new way of growing older. We’ve been shaped and molded by the Women’s Movement. Whether we liked it or not, it’s changed the way we look at ourselves and society looks at us.
We are very different from our mothers.
Many of us have been married more than once.
Some of us chose to never marry.
Others used the birth control pill, developed in our lifetimes, as a way to stay childless by choice.
I’m interested in exploring those questions and also a statistic that says 60 percent of the divorces in America are instituted by women 50 or older.
That’s an awesome piece of data.
What makes us feel so independent? Why are so many of us willing to commit to a loving relationship but not marriage after 50?
How are our attitudes toward marriage and sex different from our mothers?
And what do our adult children, friends and relatives think about our lifestyles?
Take a few minutes and dialog with me. There’s a survey at the end of this blog. I would appreciate you filling it out and giving me your thoughts on this topic.
Thanks!
Survey Link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=600473719994
July 22nd, 2007 - 8:46 pm
As a 46 year veteran of marriage (to my first husband), I can truthfully say it has been quite a journey. Only today, at age 65, can I look back and say it has been worth it. I watched as my mother struggled in keeping her marriage together in her fifties. The women’s movement took its toll on many of our mothers. My mother was torn between staying in a so-so relationship with my stepfather, or pursuing her dream of being with a long, lost
love. She chose to leave her long, lost lover and go home to her husband. It nearly killed her, in fact she died a little every day until passing away in 1993. Fortunately my marriage has survived every test known to man/womankind. I attribute the longevity to a silly little thing called love. I can’t imagine life without my husband, but if it comes to that, I have no doubt, because of groups like Woman Sage, I can and will be the best I can be at any age.
July 23rd, 2007 - 12:03 pm
After 10 years of marriage, 4 of which were not happy, I would like a relationship in my future but I can’t say it will be marriage.
I have good female friends, earn good money and can support myself & my children. I sometimes miss the male companionship but not sure I would want to live with a husband again….maybe because my former husband was too much like another child for me to take care of that I don’t want to take care of another one!
I would love to have someone that lived close and visited often!
August 11th, 2007 - 2:23 pm
Under ideal circumstances, I wouldn’t mind having another companion. However, my experience shows me that there is no such thing, and at least I have my life under control and my secure future insured, a situation that probably wouldn’t exist if a man suddenly came into my life. I’ve been celebate so long I’m a virgin again, so all I really want is interesting conversation, similar likes and dislikes, and congeniality. There’s always a fly in the ointment. Either the man is looking for a housekeeper who cooks, or is so eccentric he can’t be endured on a daily basis. I’m doing fine, and I’m better off alone than settling.
August 18th, 2007 - 11:48 pm
I’ve been married for nearly 30 years. As with any life, lots has transpired in 30 years. I married at 33 and was on my own for a long time before that. I love my husband and hope we have many, many years ahead of us together. However, I doubt I would marry again. It seems to me that most men just expect women to meet their needs. I read a funny thing once. “Women come into the world with only so many eggs and it’s the same with dinners.” I just feel by now I’m out of eggs and out of dinners! I think I might be in the minority in this but what I would miss is sex. At this stage of my life I would most likely have to write that off. (Men generally want younger women.) One more loss to add to the list of growing old(er).
January 7th, 2008 - 8:41 am
I am a 56 years young retired woman. I am also a widow since 1996. I entered what I thought was the perfect relationship in 1998. We worked for the same employer but not in the same office and we had both been married twice. My first marriage ended in divorce. My significant other, I’ll call Lee was divorced twice. We both felt it wasn’t necessary to live together or to marry. We gave each other the privacy and independence we both wanted but still grew close and eventually shared a mutual love for one another. Over the years we were together we traveled to many countries including Iceland, France and Germany.
There were a few compromises made, mostly by me in order for this arrangement to work. Lee liked to be with other women on occasion but rarely did it interfere with us time. However, I was to remain monogamous. I was willing to accept this since I had few demands put on me as I had with previous relationships. Lee also made all our travel plans and I was honestly more than happy to let him. It seemed that as long as things we did were his idea or he believed they were his idea the relationship flourished. We talked a lot about retiring and all the things we would do together. Lee is two years older than I am and seem to have mixed feelings about retiring before I did. There were work issues for me that required his support so I naturally thought he would more than likely wait. I never got a straight answer until just before he retired the first chance he got in 2004. He not only retired but he also moved to a home he had two hours away. I have to admit I felt deserted and confused.
In the beginning he would come visit and we would go out with friends or just the two of us. However it seemed he spent all his time here on the Internet and we rarely talked. He started volunteering with the Fire and Rescue squads and signed up for EMT classes. He was no longer helping me with my work issued that became a lawsuit against by employer. His new interests took over all his time and energy. He started to come down only when he had some kind of business in the area or if it was a holiday. Lee began sleeping in my extra bedroom and we no longer were having a physical relationship. He became cold and distant and our retirement plans were looking like history to me. He no longer helped me around the house with maintenance as he always had and wasn’t there for me when I needed him. I retired in 2006 but that really didn’t change anything.
Needless to say we are no longer together, although he would have just gone on the way it was. The relationship was no longer working for me. It’s funny but I never realized how much the relationship was about Lee. I wasn’t supportive of his new life because it wasn’t part of what I thought was our plan. He had his own plans that I wasn’t privy to and he thought I would fall into place as I always had. This is the problem when you’re not married. The commitment is never really there and it makes it too easy to leave.
I guess independence can be a double edge sword. Luckily I am a survivor and I will recover from this. This presents a chance to start anew and I will do just that. There’s no room to make a step back.
October 2nd, 2008 - 2:46 pm
The need for companionship in ones later years is still apparent and the opportunities to achieve lasting companionship is elusive. The struggle for me and other women in their 60’s is to continue working and staying active while the men in our age are retired and doing very little. I would prefer to date men in their late 50’s who are still working and interesting to talk to. It is too hard dating someone who is retired and not doing anything at all except watching television. Men need to maintain active meaninful lives even when they retire or the women in their lives will find them boring and a drain.